Matriarch mastermind manipulated minions rang their hells bells signifying damned to traverse highway to hell dirty deeds done dirt cheap (names changed fo' malady cuz they got thunderstruck with psychological trauma). Preface: Upon bitterly cold dawning hours of January 2000, the Harns family (not actual name of real persons constituting yours truly mine wife and at that time deux darling very young daughters) desperately sought place to live. Neon Swat Team (an independent realtor) politely informed us (meaning myself and the missus), our family lease would not be renewable. The reason without a rhyme? Ever since events initially laid forth as poem, I delightfully witnessed birth of daughter number two February 4th, 1999, (whose existence this papa helped beget approximately nine months prior), now twenty two plus years passed rendering contractual non-binding obligation null and void - whew. Even though then barely tipping scales at less than ten pounds of flesh, (this bundle of sugar, spice and everything nice, especially when adorned in pink bows inclusive), she warranted unlawful occupancy capacity subsequently exceeding one plus bedroom apartment in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania. Body quasi poetic/prosaic minimally couched, sunk, tabled... within wordy mosaic: We reckoned to live temporarily at premises vacated by mother in law from hell (since recent death of her husband, whose after life settled him in Willoughby) domicile situated at 1148 Tree Green Lane (a cozy and lazy keystone chic urban outfitted hamlet tucked into totally tubular foothills of Venn Palley, Pennsylvania), a nook of quaintness plum perfect where rivers Ratford Upon Savon converged. A final decision where matriarch (widowed Sia), would live unanimously decreed by dee two elder snide heard twisted sisters of thine wife. They made final decision to relocate black widow closer to middle sibling, (who resided, and still lives in Paradise). Authoritarianism overruled and over rode desperate pleas from Zion scion in mourning (sh va ring), whose many sentimental bric a brac damned memories and paraphernalia filled every nook and cranny of our then emergency address, which purportedly brief tenancy (attested, linkedin, predicated, stipulated... to so called gentlemans' agreement – purported verbal pact unintentionally violated) witnessed ceaseless besieging from wuthering heights, bruiting base bare-knuckle skirmishes commencing soon after day One, when we decamped within hoity -toity Mainline. Do to accumulative (generations worth) cloudy fifty shades of gray prized possessions, an irrevocable non clear voyance, viz summoning forth prognostication, alternately what would presage implacable brick bats hurled at us. Soothsayer mulled, peered, and stared into vintage crystal ball hesitant to offer prediction, (a common practice before afore mentioned treasures bequeathed to upcoming next of kin), could not be countenanced until deemed (Rabbi – representing ultra orthodox religious custom) spoke blessing referencing woebegone spirit of deceased into realm of nonlivingsocial avast capitolone enlightened gateway. Little could we foresee blitzkrieg, cannonading, incessant strafe carpet bombing bloody onslaught from the generation of vipers, viz soon after schlepping ourselves, precious progeny cargo, and other sundry and various trappings within thee aforementioned dwelling. Upon immediate realization concerning ill suited habitation apparently revelation offered inconvenient truth us Earthlings upended tipping point think their very existence precariously, hazardously, and frightfully balanced. At that time, he (meaning this writer), who attended either CHI Trade School in Broomall, Pennsylvania or The Chubb Institute location - Springfield, Pennsylvania (despite distance and travel time to and from said vocational facility much more manageable, feasible, agreeable commuting to trade school from Lower Merion), otherwise every other aspect of this move (meaning suitability for young family) served as fodder for emotional gristmill. Warfare subsequently declared upon pseudonymous unit teary yon household soon after hunkering down within said tract housing unit, a fusillade fired off re: porting volleys of character assassination bombarded this soldier of misfortune and clearly implicated for being a non Jewish schlemiel inducing endless economic doomsday after siring winter borne offspring. Proximity to aforesaid trade school(s), nor convenience to many markets, we (thy robin to this Scottish batman) could not mitigate against defencelessness, helplessness nor lucklessness to ward off volatile plague coalescing, manifesting, shape shifting quickly registering sortie as... shiver me timbers!