Do you know why I wanted to write about this topic? There is nothing in the world like the smell of hot bread made from natural wheat flour and baked in a hot “tandir” (Uzbeks bake bread in a special oven made of clay)! Especially if this bread is covered with the loving hands of your loving mother! This process may seem simple to you, but the smell of hot bread has become unforgettable for me due to one incident… Beautiful spring. However, due to the quarantine caused by the spread of the coronavirus, no crows are seen on the streets. My family (me, my husband and my little daughter) and I live in a rented apartment in one of the city's apartment buildings. The reason for the pandemic is that we almost never go out of the house. We only go out when we need to (usually my husband does). In the apartment across from us lived an old Korean woman (she spoke to us in Russian). He took his dog Niki for a walk every morning and evening. My daughter loved playing with Niki. The old woman lived alone. From time to time the old woman would come to see her sister, who was standing a stop away. I used to hang a bowl next door to my neighbor while I was cooking delicious meal. We did not leave the house due to quarantine. Of course, we barely met our neighbor's lonely old woman. One day my daughter Malika and I opened the door to go outside to pick up trash. The door to the apartment across the street (the old woman's house next door) is open. I was surprised. The lonely old woman would never leave the door open. At the sound of our footsteps, Niki looks out the door with sad eyes. When he saw us, he jumped out of the door and started walking around us. I thought Nicki was happy to see Malika. But for some reason Niki began to lead me to the open door, biting my anxious skirt. I was really scared to go into my neighbor's house. At that moment, a thousand thoughts crossed my mind. Then I gathered my thoughts and decided to go home. As far as I can see, the poor old woman is exhausted and helpless. Looks like she haven't tasted meal in a long time. We immediately called the doctors. At first we thought the old woman had a coronavirus. Fortunately, he was not diagnosed with the disease. She had high blood pressure, dizziness, and fatigue. He left the door open so that no one would know when I died. We also admired Niki's intelligence and dedication. Without him, his master would have died. We often took out food for the old woman, and for Nikki as well. Soon the old woman recovered. One day the old woman said to me, "Dilya (that's what she called me), if you go to your village, bring me a loaf of hot bread baked in the tandir, and I want to smell the hot bread". I said with pleasure, "When I go to my village, I will bring you hot bread". Days passed, and the air became hotter and hotter. When you go outside, it burns like a hot oven. It was the arrival of summer. At this point, you want go to cool places and relax around the eastern stream. Fortunately, quarantine restrictions in Uzbekistan have been eased. Now it's time to go to our hometown. We were very happy with that. On my way to the village, I was overjoyed to be able to bring hot bread to my neighbor. We had a pleasant weekend in the village. My husband was called to work because the quarantine restrictions were relaxed. I immediately went down to bake hot bread. I hurried to town, hugging two loaves of hot bread. As I went, I imagined how happy she would be to give the hot bread to the old woman next door. Little did I know that we had come a long way with such thoughts. Here we are at our destination. As soon as I got out of the car, I saw people gathered in front of our house, and something stuck in my throat ... In the morning, the old woman died. Sorry, I didn't make it ... I burned myself, but to no avail ... Since then, when I smell the hot bread that has just come out of the oven, my heart becomes strange ...

Before the covid pandemic started, I was a completely different person than I am today. And I think we all have it the same way. We've all been affected by this strange time. Was it good or bad? The answer is probably different for everyone. When we were announced for a two-week vacation, I believed it would really last two weeks. No one knew what was going to happen. And I really thought it will be just a vacation. The first few weeks were great. I took a break from all the bustle, and practically had days off. I didn't have to get up at six, have breakfast in a hurry and pour my shirt with milk and oats, go by morning bus amongst a bunch of people, and come home tired in the evening and get ready for the next day. I was enjoying nothing. I had time to eat, I slept until late morning, I did my job on short notice sometime between the fun, and the rest of the time I watched a plethora of Netflix shows. After about a month, I'm afraid I got tired of it. There was nothing left to look at, nothing was happening. On people's Instagram profiles, I've seen how creative people are. Yes, one started knitting, the other started playing the piano, the third started practicing yoga, the fourth started to bake healthy cakes, and the fifth started to fold kits. They were all supposedly discovering new beauties of this lifestyle. I didn't find those beauties. I tried the yoga a few times, but after a while, I didn't know why I was doing it. Why? No one will appraciate that. (at the end of quarantine I didn't do a single push-up) I tried to bake too, some zucchiny cream cake. Unfortunately, I burned the whole oven-it didn't quite work out and I don't like zucchini anyway. So I gradually went back to doing nothing. Every day was the same. Nothing new, except that the hero of my favourite show was killed, and, of course, came back to life the next day. It was dreadful. I was in room every day. And either I was lying in bed, on the couch, or sitting in the armchair. There was no one to make me laugh, no annoying classmate or talkative saleswoman. My days were so boring and still the same. I got up in morning, ate breakfast, ate chocolate, worked at the table, ate a bar of chocolate, worked, ate chocolate and watched Netflix and ate chips! Sleep. So I started spending my days on social media. I wasn't able to concentrate at online meetings anymore. I've been looking at terrible nonsense for hours. First it was Tiktoks with dancing, and it ended with strange people dressing their dogs in tailored sweaters, or better yet, frying Snickers. Yeah. That's where I ended. Why? I was looking for something interesting. I was looking for news, for something going on. I needed to know, that something is happening. It was like a drug. It was needed, but deadly. I was everywhere, in every corner of the world, and nowhere at the same time. Unfortunately, this gradually came to the conclusion that social media started destroying me. Everyone seemed to be so happy, they lived such a perfect life, something was going on with them, and I just watched. I was so jealous. Why my life isn't like this? I felt there's something wrong with me. I also haven't talked to anyone in months, no one cared about me, I didn't text my friends, nobody wrote anything. Like I don't exist. I disappeared. Every evening when the sun went down beyond the horizon I sat on the floor and cryed. I felt insecure and scared. All I saw was the dark. And came the philosophical and existential questions. I started to doubt everything... Will I ever get out? Will it ever be the same? Will I ever be able to have fun again? Does anyone else like me? Am I any good? Nobody misses me. Does my life have meaning? Does it all have some meaning? It was like inside a snow globe. It looks so beautiful on the outside. But when you're locked inside every day alone and every day is the same, there's nothing what makes life a life. And you don't know how to break the glass... But then, unexpectedly, they started relaxing the measures, and although I wasn't happy at all. I had to go back to my normal life. It was a big shock at first. I couldn't spend my day „normaly“. Luckily, I got used to it. And I realized one important thing. I realized that what we experience every day is our life. The meaningless little things. I realized how much I missed it. I now appreciate the awful wake-up with alarm, the breakfast in a hurry, and even the weird people on the way to work. It's fun, because every day is so different and interesting. I'm finally enjoying what I didn't realize before. I enjoy talking to a shop assistant in a store, a silly performance at the theatre, or a cold evening on the summer terrace of restaurant. So I have to rethink it... actually, I have to admit, there is one positive thing about the quaratine, it made me really start living. But still, I wish you only an "ordinary" life and no more lockdown.

Bihar a land where Gandhi started Champaran Satyagraha in support of indigo farmers, has history of producing roaring politician Jaiprakash Narayan who lead the mid 1970s opposition against prime minister Indira Gandhi, also called JP movement, is now bound with caste politics and where health ministers ask what's the death score in infant mortality. Our politicians, the bureaucrats and we as the society had only been pretence towards the cruelty our countrymen goes through. It is heart wrenching to see how our government's policies had been collapsing and have not reached out to those in need, these policies being made for. One sunny day I was heading towards the grocery store to get some food items although it's completely locked down in my state, some essential facilities are open for people. when standing in the line for social distancing, I saw a middle aged man wearing a mask stepping outside a ramshackle house in a weird way. I found it suspicious to believe someone would ever walk out of their house like this. Few minutes passed by, and I saw two women rushing out, that same house shouting and screaming. They were robbed while taking their midday sleep. The occurrence gave me flashbacks when my laptop and mobile phone got stolen from my room. That incident was more strange than shocking to me, that robbery made me think how courageous that man was to rob her house in the time when everybody is in their house because of lockdown, or he was more hungry to pilfer things because he needs it. It was raining the other day, so I went to the balcony to see outside. While glancing over my locality I saw a man sitting in a rickshaw shivering, I was first not sure whether or not to step out of my house but that feeble man's situation made me take steps towards him. I took a bowl full of rice and dal along with me. While going near him I realised that he is the same man who robbed that house midday, that frightened me but with doubt in my head and fear in my heart I anyhow reached him and offered him the bowl. He hesitated at first then accepted it, after he finished his bowl I tried to establish some talk and we talked about various things going around because of coronavirus and lockdown, I couldn't resist myself but asked him about that day of robbery. Firstly he equivocated but then confessed and started crying. He said his name is Radhe and he was just a regular rickshaw driver in around our area but because of lockdown he lost his job and his supply to food and shelter is not certain, he has no money and have no job so left with only option to rob, rob to feed both him and his childrens. We both had tears in our eyes after listening to his problems. Weeks passed by, but I was not able to take that incident out of my head every time I had my meal. I could not help but to think about him and so many more exactly like him, even worse. I could not have just relaxed inside my house and watched people like him suffer, after all their well-being is our responsibility. So I talked to my parents about those things happening and decided to help them in any way possible, either by providing them with food or giving them blankets and temporary shelter in our garage, we did it with complete passion. But I couldn't find Radhe, as he was already weak I feared if he died. Then one day I saw him sitting around the corner in his rickshaw smoking weed, I went to him to ask if he ate anything. He ate almost nothing since three days and has been starving from hunger, so I invited him to my place and gave him food and then we started talking about what he is going to do next and what his future plan about his childrens. He had no positive answer but worry in his eyes. So I proffered his meal along with his childers at my place until he gets his job back. I could sense the relief in his eyes, for him that was everything but for me it was just a help who needs it, so now he can focus on his family and arrange some source of income. We know this pandemic has made our economy crawl on knees but let's not forget these unnamed people around us keeping our city clean or roadside vendors or even daily wage labour, let's be more human toward them and let us restore their believe in humanity because as Mahatma Gandhi said "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others"

It has finally come. After years of watching action and thriller movies that depicted some contagious disease that the CDC can't wrap its collective minds around or some random strain that turns humans in to mindless zombies, IT HAS HAPPENED. We are in the midst of a pandemic. There is a virus that is threatening the lives of people around the whole world! I am one of the lucky ones. I have prepared for this. In the case of a zombie apocalypse, I learned how to survive on the move and how to drive a stick shift in the case that it is the only vehicle available for a quick getaway. In the case of a quickly spreading virus, I have considered different ways to acquire the essential items like food, shelter as wells as ways to protect my family. Okay, if I am being totally honest most of my apocalyptic prep has come from watching too many movies. When it boils down to it, what you need to do to prepare for an apocalypse surrounds toilet paper, trusting no one, and avoiding Florida like the plague because it will give you the plague. The reality of a pandemic is not what I thought. Sure, the CDC, like in the movies, releases a bunch of information as they learn new information or to just say they have no information, the president speaks and people lose their minds a bit as the fear of the unknown creeps up behind them, taking hold and refusing to let go. But in the movies, I never and I mean I NEVER saw people go crazy over TOILET PAPER. Yes, you heard me right, toilet paper. As a woman, my biggest fear in the early stages of the pandemic went from how to stay safe from the virus to how I was going to wipe after using the bathroom as I watched my last roll of toilet paper dwindle down. This scenario was not a part of my survival strategy but alas there I was going to every store I could think of to find the rare item. Eventually, like any pandemic survivor would do, I adjusted. I got in good with some of the employees at the store, showed up on delivery day at opening time and the treasure was mine!!!!! With the precious nine pack of ultra‐soft toilet paper you'd think I was in the clear right? Wrong! There is more. You cannot trust anyone. This is a hard one for extroverted people and huggers like myself. During this pandemic, many people lost their jobs, others were fortunate enough to be able to work from home and the rest of us who are considered “essential workers” must brave the world avoiding as much contact with people as possible. With the exception of healthcare workers who must be close to people in order to, you know, save their lives, we must not trust anyone. If someone clears their throat or coughs, assume the worst, get out of there or at least create distance between yourself and the suspect. More importantly, if someone is coughing, sneezing or has other cold or flu like symptoms and they excuse it away by saying “it's just my allergies”. DO NOT BELIEVE them. Those same people usually say that during cold/flu season, next thing you know, you are using your sick days. If you don't believe it during cold/flu season, don't buy that crap during a pandemic! One of the most important survival tips I think I learned during this time is to avoid my home state. I am from Florida. I love it for its beauty, greenery, beaches and southern hospitality meets big city party vibe. Even with the greatness that Florida brings, Floridians are NOT missing their summer. People have consistently flocked to beaches and other popular areas in their respective cities to drink, swim and or party. The virus cases there have sky‐rocked. Luckily, I am working away from home right now, so I am just watching my beautiful state get infected one person at a time and listening to the wild tells from friends and family from afar. If you go to Florida, the second tip of trust no one will be almost impossible to follow. Fun events, sunshine and the beach will yell at you to come and play until you do. If you are already in Florida, do your best. If you are not in Florida, STAY AWAY! Well, at least until the pandemic is over, then definitely go to Florida. Though this is not a survival item technically, I do have a bonus tip that I think has greatly helped my survival. This is something that even my movies forget to show while the characters are making their way through survival. Go to the liquor store and get yourself your favorite wine, beer or spirits because frankly, the coronavirus, COVID‐19, Rona or whatever you want to call this thing sucks and at the end of your day when you are done with your essential worker duties, during another video conference call or worrying about a friend or family member who has caught the virus, you are going to want a drink.

The year 2020 has not been what any of us expected. That's an understatement to say the least. But a new year feels like a new start, and we welcomed 2020 with the blind optimism and hope that began every year. For my fiancé and me, 2020 held even more promise than years past. The light sparkling off my engagement ring mimicked the stars in our eyes, and we eagerly leapt into planning our wedding. Well, maybe it's more accurate to say that I eagerly leapt into planning our wedding. After all, I was the one who had literally spent hours (ok, days, who's counting?) of my life dreaming about this day. As my tastes had evolved through the years, so had the vivid details of my dreams. Elaborate, sparkling ball gowns transformed into simple, understated A-lines. Fancy venues and churches became scenic woods. Formal, brightly colored bridesmaid's dresses faded into flowing, natural hued gowns. Fall leaves blew away red rose petals. Casual, fun invites erased formal, fancy invitations. I could see it play out like a movie. Red and orange leaves whip through the air on the crisp, cool breeze. The green leaves left on the trees contrast sharply against the slate gray clouds threatening rain. Guests, dressed casually and prepared for weather, sit in chairs facing a clean white arch. Pachelbel's Canon begins, softly, cuing guests to turn around. My father stands next to me, waiting to walk me up the aisle. My family and friends smile in the audience. My bridesmaids stand in front of the arch, dresses blowing with the wind. There was just one detail that was never clear...my future husband. No matter how many times I revisited the dream, nothing changed; not until the moment I heard those four words I had been longing to hear: "Will you marry me?" The most beautiful words, coming from the most incredible, amazing man I had ever known. And in that moment, everything snapped into focus, and I saw him standing there, watching me walk up the aisle toward him, waiting to start our life together. And so, with the final piece of the puzzle in place, I waited (impatiently) for October 23, 2020. Then, COVID-19 flipped the world upside down. Cases escalated, every day life halted, and nothing was certain anymore. The world fell apart around us, and we were left with a decision. As reality set in, I retreated to my daydream of our special day. And I realized that something had changed. I watched the dream play out, but the details seemed different. The breeze had faltered, the colors dulled, the music muted. It was as if everything had faded—until I looked at him. I saw him smile at me, in full focus and clarity, and I realized that the wedding day I had dreamed of for so long wasn't as important to me as I had always believed. In that moment, I knew that what really mattered was getting to marry my best friend. Our wedding day was April 6, 2020, not October 23, 2020. Dead leaves rustled across the lawn in the soft, cool breeze. The green leaves growing on the bushes contrasted softly against the smoke gray clouds suggesting rain. Our five guests, dressed casually and hoping for good weather, sat in chairs facing a tree with sheer curtains draped over the branches, forming a makeshift arch. In lieu of Pachelbel's Canon, the young children next door provided running commentary loudly in the background. And my best friend and I walked up, hand in hand, to be married. As we started our life together, in a way we never would have expected, in a world that no one was prepared for, the details were suddenly more vivid, more beautiful, and more real than I ever could have imagined. And I knew that the memory of our wedding day would be far better than any dream.

Coronavirus, a virus which at the very beginning was found in China spread all over the world in the start of 2020 and still going on impacting all kinds of actions human beings used to take in their daily life. These actions include transport, trade meetings, etc. In Rwanda like elsewhere on the world, conditions were established to ensure the spread is limited. On the grounds, schools closed leading most children experience remote learning just being at home. Consequently, I had to leave Kepler campus where I was staying doing my bachelors' in communication from Southern New Hampshire, I was obliged to go home and study from there. Like all other students, I just starting working on my academic works from home without instructors' direct; and, this was common. This happened from mid-March 2020 –May 2020. Conditions were loosening and movement and work were allowed observing conditions set by the government. Now, for me specifically, things got even worse. COVID-19 new cases were later found in my village Kamabuye which is found in Kicukiro district. We were taken back to quarantine as an entire village, so sad and annoyed. This time, sounded both worse and better to me in regard to usual life and academic work as well as professional growth. Actually, before localized quarantine, people were allowed some limited movements making sure they wear face masks, keep the set hours to live street, and so forth. However, for the lockdown given to us, all was prohibited. It was a full lockdown of staying home. I felt annoyed, tired and sad of staying home without even going out for relaxation. Policemen were seriously guarding and none could try going out. Get me, I didn't want to go out to spread the virus but felt needing to go out for relaxation. However, all was prohibited. This was the downside of the quarantine but I am glad that personally, I was able to abide by the set rules making me prevent myself from contamination as well as avoiding spreading the pandemic. On the other hand, this period was helpful to me. Not only did this period helped me avoid being contaminated and related risks, but also helped me have new experiences, develop a sense of independence, self-control and ability to work online. Truly, I have never achieved invaluably like I did during the period of the quarantine. Staying home for a month period without any outside movements became my reason to focus on my academic work. Additionally, I worked on improving and building my best self through developing different characters that really build up successful people, equipped myself with news skills and experiences. To detail, in terms of academic work, I conducted research on how to study best while at home, how to avoid stress and techniques to avoid procrastination. After researching, I started just by planning all my day which would be composed of waking up, doing some housework, working on class work, doing sport around the house and then chatting with friends. So, I would then make sure the plan is well followed keeping in mind the deadlines. Doing this, for real, gave me strength and I would work on things more than I planned. Probably, it contributed 30% on the degree that I have recently obtained. Similarly, as I could keep searching tips to help me, inspirations came in and I started doing blogging. Actually, I am interested in writing as I usually write short stories for children but from this period, the inspiration grew bigger. I started blogging about the life we live and things that can help us succeed. Blogging was a new experience to me. I have never done this before. This was very important to me in the ways that it even more pushed me to research and study different life matters to get ideas to write about. From doing this, I would discover some great characters making people successful from which I value most being ‘flexible'. I learnt that we need to be flexible with ourselves and situations we undergo. This is on the grounds that when we stay the way we were while situations have change, there will be a mismatch; it's how I found it. In a nutshell, the quarantine period was of course tiring due to strict rules that were set and I could feel exhausted just by staying home. However, it has been my time to improve myself, learn new skills from engaging in research, blogging and of course receiving feedback from my audience, replying to their asked questions in regard to posted topics. More invaluably, I learnt to plan successfully and follow my plan as successful people do. Therefore, from the quarantine, I realized that from any situations, there is a possibility. There is something to do no matter what bad the situation. All is needed is being flexible and change mind as things change. Moreover, I have realized that planning and follow your plans makes your goals smoothly achievable. Don't stay conservative while situations are changing.

I remember seeing a mask ad in Youtube for the first time: A stylish models, wearing black suits, wore black, shiny, silky masks. The kinds that Posh Spice or Beyonce would've chosen if they had been mask shopping. It was January 2020 and the ad made me think of sci-fi movies. Little did I know that only few months from this, I would be ordering a third set of masks for my family and felt completely normal about it. I had already unwrapped some N95 masks, which we had in storage in case of yearly forest fires. They are safe for sure, but felt so thick, it would leave one gasping for air. Poor me for having to wear one just to get some groceries. Shortly after, I watched a news clip of worn out doctors and nurses. I realized what a luxury it would be for them, to have a 20 minute super market visit to be the toughest point of their day. Or even to have something proper to protect them, as I read the masks were then in shortage. Whilst working crazy hours, they were simply hoping to stay safe somehow, to be able to go back to their families healthy. Shame on me. Within time, I also started to felt normal about home schooling my children. First, I was (too) perky mom with my folders, Zoom sound checks and scheduled snacks. A woman on a mission if you will: “We can do this, kids!”, “Don't worry, I'm here to help you.”, “You know guys, this might actually end up being fun!” In the mornings I would send them to play outside, sip my coffee and stare at the oven clock like a missile countdown: How many minutes would I have peace with my darling, warm mug, before the Zooms, one on ones, writing, math and reading exercises would begin? What perk do I use to reward our younger son today, so he would pay attention to read alongs? Later during the spring, I learned how many parents didn't have those few minutes to sip their coffees. They also did not have the chance to help their children, as they would have to work outside their homes: doing essential work, health care, scanning products in the store, plumbing and delivering take outs. Having arrived to US with family visa and no work permit, I had all the time to help my kids. We had internet connection. I could read and write English. We could afford food. And all I had to do was to put up with some tantrums? Shame on me. So, we stayed home. We shared all the quarantine memes and videos, as they were so relatable - thinking having nothing to do except to look outside from our window, felt like we were being punished. Where are the children´s soccer practices? Where are the playdates? So sorry for my husband to miss a fun trip he was waiting! How unlucky all these inconveniences were! Shame on me. Now, looking back on spring 2020, the isolation was actually more than doable. All the hikes at same paths and same bike rides around the same town might not have been eventful, but we haven´t lacked anything. We have been healthy; my husband was one of the lucky ones to keep his job and none of our friends or family members were dangerously infected with covid-19. What has not been easy, has been having to watch in the mirror and realize how good and safe we have had it, whilst others have not. Thousands of people have been jeopardized to a deadly virus by their profession. Thousands have lost their loved ones, jobs, health and even homes. Families have been torn apart from one continent ao another because of travel bans. Old people have died alone in nursing home and their families have not been able to attend to their funerals. The news have been so overwhelming, that it has been easy to feel shame of not really losing anything, whilst others have lost so much. Feeling empathy for others has been easy. Feeling empathy toward yourself has been harder than ever. No amount of Zooming your loved ones, cooking, staying home, sanitizing, wiping, home schooling or donating would scrub the headlines easier to read. As my steps got heavier, I realized nobody would benefit if I would start and end my day by emotionally punishing myself for sometimes openly longing the normal days. Carefully, I decided to change my strategy and invite the woman in the mirror to rest under thoughts of empathy as well. As our neighbourhood gathered to show respect to health care workers and we had showered the teachers with appreciation and thanks after using their amazing super powers over the spring, I dared to whisper a little thank you to myself as well: “You can be tired of this mess too. You did the best you could, that's enough for today.” When the need of care is at its highest, showing love and respect towards others – but also yourself qualifies as essential work. Shame on me, if I ever forget it again.

Fear and I are no strangers. Growing up with abusive parents and marrying an abusive man at the age of nineteen; you become accustomed to being afraid. Nightmares have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember; but the fear that grips me now is like none I have known before. I am a Christian, so I should not be afraid of dying. I should be happy that if I die, I will go to heaven, right? No. I am afraid. I am afraid because although my soul is ready, my mind and body are not. I am afraid of never seeing my children and grandchildren again. I am afraid of dying on this God forsaken island when there this so much I want to do. I am afraid to go back into the classroom because what if I get the coronavirus and give it to my students? The guilt would eat me alive! Physically, I have trouble sleeping. I can't fall asleep until at midnight or later and when I do, I have nightmares. I have chest pains. Heart conditions run in my family. I can't tell anyone. I don't want to burden them with my fears. I have little appetite. I have to force myself to eat something every day. I used to love food. I am an old-fashioned cook. I bake from scratch. Growing up all my kids' birthday cakes were homemade. Add to that, I am a stress baker. My daughter used to give me a hard time when she came home from school and caught me baking. She'd ask, “What's the matter, Mom?” Food was a big deal. I have often been told I needed to open my own restaurant or bakery. I almost did once. Now, the kitchen brings little solace. Emotionally it's like an alien has taken over my body. I have had some pretty traumatic things happen in my life; but I handled them with relative calm and that lack of a habit of panicking has gotten through them all. I take a deep breath. I tackle the most urgent thing first. I make a list of what I need to do or what I need and mark them off as I go. Over the years I have managed to show a brave front; but I can't anymore. I cry a lot. I am anxious going out in public. My heart races when I do. For five months, I have gotten out to go to the grocery store and that is all. I live on a tropical island and I can't even enjoy it. I am calm one minute and hysterical the next. I'm moody and volatile and it has caused serious strain on my relationship with my fiance. Who can blame him? It doesn't help that I am a redhead and have the trademark temperament. So, how afraid am I? Pretty damn afraid! I have begun to write my will. I have written my daughter a six-page “goodbye” letter. I have written my son a letter. I have always prayed, and I know I am saved; but now I pray every night the traditional children's prayer, just in case… Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray Dear Lord, my soul you take. God bless Quinton and Little Jack. God bless my daughter Christina and her husband Clifton. God bless my granddaughter's Zoey, Malia, and Alice. God bless my son, Monty. God bless Bree (my son's soon-to-be ex-wife), Alaynah, Kaden, and Alex. God bless all of my friends and family and loved ones. God, please watch over all of them and keep them safe from harm. Please God, put a hedge of protection around my family and don't let them die. In Jesus' name, Amen. There are times that fear chokes me and I am unable to get out of bed or do; but don't want to. I force myself to get up and face each day. Going through the motions of fixing my fiance's breakfast (he works nights). I force myself to walk our dog and do the laundry. I force myself to cook supper each night; and then I have to force myself to eat. I look out the window and long for the beauty of the island around me but am too terrified to go out and see it. I have always written a journal, but now I am writing four to six-page entries. I have gone through four ink pens in the last two weeks alone. I have days that all I can do is “depression sleep.” Even this rest is plagued with nightmares. I'm aging fast. Dark circles under my eyes and wrinkles appearing daily around my eyes, mouth, and hands. I am just 49 years old, but I look and feel sixty. With all of this, you would think that it was impossible to look forward at all. You would think that it is impossible to dream about tomorrow, next week, or next year. Even I am surprised that I can, that I have. My fiancé and I have a dream of buying a live-a-board sailboat and sailing around the world. Planning for this dream consumes our days and nights. We have made lists. We watch sailing videos. We talk and discuss what we need to do and what we need to buy. We've laid out all of the steps to follow and have it all worked out. Yet, all the while a shadow lingers behind the surface fueled by the fear that this dream will never come true. That one or both of us will die before it becomes a reality. A voice whispers in our minds, This will never happen. Why do you bother to dream at all? I answer back, “I don't know, but I do.”

Coronavirus - this tiny cell, invisible even to our eyes, has changed the whole world. In the last days of 2019, an unknown disease that spread in the chinese city of Wuhan shook the world. Scientists named the illness, which soon covered the earth, Covid - 19. A new sort belonging to the family of coronaviruses are still harming humans. To date, many people have died from the new coronavirus. It's worth noting that the Virus is spreading rapidly among the poor and migrants, so they have a high mortality rate. The borders are closed to prevent the interstate spread of Covid - 19. Local and international flights, cars and trains are suspended. As a result, the tourism industry has suffered greatly. The activities of schools, universities and private business organisations have been stopped. The economy suffered and many factories go bankrupt. In many countries it is forbidden to go out on the streets without a purpose. Personally, I'm trying not to go outside, nevertheless, once I had to go external. Of course, I went out wearing a mask, sanitary gloves and goggles. Life in a crowded and robustious city seemed to come to a standstill. There were almost no people on the street which were going anywhere in a hurry. That day, as I walked the empty streets, I felt that time I miss which the crowded streets, the noises of cars, the smell of delicious meals, and, of course , my beloved place - the clothing store. In my opinion, the Covid - 19 has its advantages, namely it brings us not only illness but also solidarity and patience. As we are struggling with the virus, I see people getting spiritually closer to each other. It's a great life lesson for me. In addition, science and technology are evolving because of the coronavirus. I think everyone has come up with a cure for at least one virus and is able to use it in their lives. Virus experts are preparing vaccines against Covid - 19. I hope they will help us get rid of the virus. However, we mustn't rely on a vaccine that is unknown when it will be ready. I have to say that no matter how much we thank the doctors, it's not enough. Because they are caring for the sick, even if they are infected with the virus. We always pray for them. I know we conquer these days, and I'm sure we'll have some great days ahead of us. We need to unite and show that we are stronger than the virus. " I don't know medicine, how do I fight the it ? " you may be said. Nonetheless, don't rush, as it is up to you get rid of the virus. This is the simple. You conform to rules of quarantine, don't forget the mask when you go out and the most significant rule STAY HOME. This is the simple things the most profitable method for the virus spreading. We should not be afraid to infect the virus, but we mustn't fear to infect our loved ones. Don't let our friends get in trouble due to us. It'sno exaggeration to say that Covid - 19 is a mirror for us. I think everyone, a representative of every industry, has seen their shortcomings and will try to correct them and be better than before in the future. I want to tell you which is about what I'm doing during the quarantine. I think this is interesting to you. I use my free time to take online Ielts classes. I'm studying at home and making friends with humans from different countries. I will take the Ielts exam soon , you wish me and my friends the best of luck. In addition, I'm reading a lot of fiction books because of quarantine. I comprehend how precious my family is to me on account of the coronavirus. I really enjoy talking to them. I love them. Take care of your loved ones because they like you more than you can imagine. 😘😘😘