I give into the darkness Of being my fake self Those smiles Laughs and hope Were all fake But i don't fucking care About myself or my mental state If you're okay I am as well Because without you, I won't be able to fake anymore I am not sane But does it look like I care Do these hidden scars look like I give a fuck about myself Sometimes, sometimes I wish I wasn't a coward That I can pull the trigger That I can end it all That I can swallow the pills And lay my corpse But I can't Cause i'm scared Cause you said if I leave You will die as well And the world needs someone like you Because you do so much good While I give false hope You are needed You make me think I am as well Because I feel the safest with you I feel like I have a place in this world with you Because if it wasn't for those words I would have never lasted But now, if I do something wrong, And i disappoint the only thing that keeps me alive I will always think it But I won't do it For you Because you make me feel loved Like I belong That i'm not just a fucking waste of space In your arms I feel myself grow strong Because I feel the impact of feeling needed Anxiety does not creep on me when i'm with you Because you make it alright With you i'm not nervous I'm not scared for the future. But that's why i worry about you So fucking much If I see you in a bad state I feel like i'm losing the only thing that keeps me sane If I see you suffering I suffer with you But 10 times more because I wanna aim the knife And fire To my own self Most of the time When your not here And I don't have anything to distract me I look in the mirror And stare I just talk to myself Saying how fucking ugly I am I am unloved I am stupid Fat Terrifying Horrible I don't deserve to live And when i think to myself I cannot help but take pity on that person. Because I am so fucking selfish A selfish piece of shit But in your arms, I feel strong But I still feel that I am fucking selfish. Because your my strength. And i can never let you go I'm sorry for what i have done. I love you so much