Growing up, I never understood having a crush. There was that one kindergarten romance, but honestly, he was my friend that just so happened to be a boy. Therefore, “boyfriend”. We haven't seen each other since the first grade and now I'm off to college. After thinking back about his more feminine habits: Playing with barbies, makeup, being envious of my longer hair, and paying more attention to the other boys in a much more “friendly” manner. Well, I'm sure you get the picture now, but he was not going to be into me. I worried more about it in middle school because all my friends had crushes of some sort and even a boyfriend in some cases, not that middle school boyfriends really count anyway. I just felt as if I was missing out on something. So whenever anybody would ask, “Who do you like?” in their squeaky and insistent voices; That was my cue to say, “No one”. Which I had constantly repeated for years and years until my second year of high school. After realizing two things: High school is not like the movies and I might end up forever alone, I was not hype for that first day. I was exhausted because I was in denial about needing to sleep the night before. So when my art teacher was calling the class names for attendance and I scanned the room to match names to a face, something really threw me off. A particular accent. It sounded beautiful. Just the way the voice flowed coming out of this stranger's mouth was so soothing and refreshing. I found his face and I remember seeing him walk into the classroom before roll call and I recall misjudging him as a basic, all-American, white, male student, that I was bound to forget. Yet somehow, I was enthralled by just his voice. A tall young man with black hair, an attractive stubble, fair skin, a basic hoodie, and warm brown eyes. All of that and this hunk was sitting alone. This crazy feeling came and it was completely foreign to me. Butterflies in my stomach, rising temperature, uncontrollable smiling, and constant tensing of the body. I didn't want it, so I ignored it and I tried to ignore him too. A couple days had passed and considering the person I was, I lacked interests in talking to anyone in my art class and the rest of my classes. Though ignoring this one guy proved to be challenging, not because I was trying to talk to him, but because no one was. It bothered me for some reason and even more when I would glance at him during lunch and saw him alone. Right before the bell rang to release us from lunch, he made his way in front of me, just towering above me with his back turned. I had to talk to him and I urged myself to say “I like your backpack.” I stuttered out a bit loudly to reach him over the crowd of loud teens. If you didn't guess already, flirting wasn't my forte. Phenomenally though, he actually looked at me and smiled too, a charming flash of teeth. He thanked me for the compliment and I do believe he did say more, but I could barely hear him and understand his accent at the time. Frankly, his smile just consumed me and that was the only thing on my mind. So I just nodded and smiled like a doofus. That next day in art was different, I was allowed to enter his bubble now and sit next to him in class and then during lunch. It was euphoric. It turns out he was a charming nerd with a knack for 90s card games, specific video games, anime, and mathematics. We got along relatively quickly, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Just kidding, it changed when more people wanted to talk to him and he realized he did have more in common with other people besides me. Likely more in common with others than me. Naturally, I got jealous, so I chose to isolate myself and he did come looking, but it didn't last long. Probably because it was annoying and tiring to find me. I do remember he opened up to me more and I listened and I loved knowing things about him because I found him to be so interesting. He was the book that fed my mind and my brain was always hungry for his stories. While learning about him, I learned about his sexuality. Interestingly, when your first crush says he turned out to be bisexual, it makes you get a little tenser. Yet I still rooted for him and his love life. In hopes that if he would date someone that wasn't me, I could move on. Eventually, we both moved on. His types for partners ended up actually being strictly men because he's gay. After I confessed that I liked him in a romantic way, he came out. You would think I was heartbroken, but I was celebrating. Actually, I did cry a little, only a little though. It was liberating to confess and even though I got rejected, it wasn't because I'm not the prettiest, smartest, or best girl. It's because I'm a girl and my person of interest was incapable of seeing a woman in a romantic way. Or at least that's what I told myself so I could get over him. I can say that everything has turned out fine since then because now we both have boyfriends.