The quality of the relationships we have is just as important as having those relationships. Our focus here is the people who you consciously spend time with. To start with, a relationship is the way in which two or more people are connected. There's a quote that says: “The friends that you surround yourself with help build and shape you into the person you are”. Therefore, it is important that the people you intentionally surround yourself with will contribute to the kind of person you become. To know whether you're on the right path with your relationships, it's necessary to determine whether those relationships are a “spider web” or a “bed of roses”. (these terms are being used figuratively). A “bed of roses” (B of Rs) is an expression that is used in reference to a situation or activity that is comfortable or easy. People often say that “life is not a bed of roses” to explain that life is not “smooth sailing” all the time. However, when you consider the fact that most roses have thorns (botanically known as prickles) and a “bed” of roses put together would have a lot of thorns, you realize that life IS actually a “B of Rs”. This is because despite the comfort (the “roses”), there are tough situations (the “thorns”) which come with the whole “life” package (the “B of Rs”). How is this relevant to relationships? You might have friends that on the surface (just like the roses) support you, calm you down, and tell you nice things; but beneath the surface, there are parts of them that affect who you are and who you want to be. Note this: No friend is perfect, no relationship is perfect. However, in spite of this “imperfection”, your friend should still positively contribute to the person you want to become. However, with a “bed of roses” relationship, this is not the case. The “thorns” in the relationship are actively pricking you and affecting you. Imagine yourself lying on a bed of roses that has thorns on the stems beneath it; you feel the softness of the roses on your body but if you fall or make any wrong movement, the thorns would prick you thus making the comfort of the roses almost insignificant. This is what happens when you have relationships of this kind – on the surface the relationship is good for you, but the “thorns” in the relationships harm you; thus making the “surface coziness” feel insignificant in comparison to the damage caused. Remember, every relationship in your life should steer you positively towards becoming the person you want to be. In addition to the thorns in a B of Rs, it must be noted that a strong wind would blow the petals off the roses. Now, what that would mean for this kind of relationship is that when tough times come, the comfort, the kind words and the support would be gone – leaving only the “thorns” for you. That is not a good relationship for anyone. Now, to the “spider web” (SW) relationships. A spider web is a device created by a spider, generally meant to catch its prey. Webs allow a spider to catch prey without having to expend energy by running it down. (Bear with me please; the science lecture is leading somewhere great!). When you see a web, the first thing you notice is the way the strands of silk connect to each other to form a complex structure. Those strands connect together for a purpose – to catch prey or otherwise – and this is what our relationships should do too. Every connection we deliberately make with other people should serve a purpose. Are the people in your life there for a purpose? If yes, does their purpose for being in your life positively contribute to the person you want to be? Answering these questions can make all the difference. There are other characteristics of the spider web that are useful in analyzing the relationships you have. Due to the complex structure of the web, when a single strand of the web breaks, the overall strength of the web increases rather than weakens. Applying this to your relationships, when bad situations occur, the strength of your relationships should be evident. The people around you should hold you up when you miss a step. If every time the wind blows, the spider's web cracks and is completely destroyed; it would have to start all over. That would be difficult, wouldn't it? The same can be said about relationships that are not strong. There is no purpose in having relationships if they crash every time things go wrong. That is why it is important for you to take the time to ensure that the relationships you intentionally allow in your life can withstand the storm and fulfill the purpose for which they were created. After this analysis, all that's left for you to do is to determine the kind of relationships you have - are they a spider web or a B of Rs? Bill Gates once said that your social circle is an important investment of time and energy. As you reflect on your relationships and as you build future relationships, invest wisely. Invest in a spider web.