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I’m a NorCal based loser who spends her free time watching movies, listening to music, reading and writing, and complaining about the weather being too hot and dry.
Metathesiophobia
Jul 12, 2018 6 years agoIn the short amount of time I have spent on this small planet we call home, change is something I have never been fond of. Unfortunately for me, change is everywhere. Even the tiniest amounts of this thing, such as plans being postponed, sends me into an endless spiral of panic. One of the first big changes I faced was in fourth grade when I moved from one elementary school to another one nearby. The schools were a mere seven minutes away from each other, and I lived in the same house so I still saw all of my old friends frequently. Despite this, I cried for at least the first week at my new school. I felt hopeless. Fortunately, there were fewer tears in my initial transition from elementary to middle school as I had friends who were transitioning with me. At the end of 6th grade, my friend group and I drifted apart and I was whisked into a new friend group entirely. While being in this group, I was transformed from the bright, colorful person I was into a far more introverted one. My entire personality changed, but I wouldn't admit that I was scared. Bows were swapped for hair dye and my daily use of eyeshadow and mascara suddenly ceased. I regularly shopped at Hot Topic instead of H&M. The most drastic change from that era in my life was the spontaneous decision to chop off the ponytail I donned every day since first grade. I didn't know how to feel at first, the decision was partially based off of the vast majority of my friend group's decision to cut their hair as well. I was unsure of it working on my naturally curly hair, but that was the first long-term spontaneous decision like that I have made, and I do not regret it. The scariest change that took place in my life by far happened in December of eighth grade. Naturally, I was in denial of it happening leading up to this change. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do and caused many hours of sobbing in my bedroom, refusing to face what I eventually had to. I was rightfully skeptical at the beginning of the process of moving, as the topic has come up many different times in the past and never fell through. Sure, I moved houses a couple of times, but nothing as drastic as this. I considered the tourist trap of a town I lived in my home for over thirteen years of my life. Not to mention, I felt like I had finally fit in for the first time since my old best friend and I were inseparable. As much as I begged and pleaded, nothing could stop my move from one tourist trap to another: humid South Carolina to sunny California. Despite many of my classmates being jealous of my move, I had never been more terrified. The first day I saw the bright yellow moving truck in my driveway was the day I certainly could not bear the thought of being at home. The usually happy color taunted me, showing me the unavoidable darkness in happy times. The drive there took five agonizing days of staying in different hotels and eating cheap fast food. I felt so alone. I had a panic attack when registering for my new school. It was about half of the population of my old school, so I feared being singled-out by teachers and my peers. My tremendous amounts of social anxiety grew more and more, and I clung to the first friends I made there, which probably wasn't the best decision as I quickly grew annoyed of most of that group. It took me a really long time to be able feel like I fit in at all here here. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone to join clubs and make new friends. The best decision I have made to this day is auditioning for the plays my school had to offer. Not only did this get me out of my shell even just slightly more, I have met the best friend I could ever ask for. She makes all of the trauma I suffered so much more worth it. I could not be more grateful for the life I have at this moment in time. Change is still a scary thing, but it was worth it to finally face my fears.
