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My name is Jeff. I was born back in 1966 in Jacksonville, Florida. I was the youngest of 5, a Southern Baptist with a typical childhood, graduated high school and joined the Navy in 1985. I worked in catapults, arresting gear and quality assurance aboard 4 different aircraft carriers. The Navy took me to a lot of places over the years and the details of those years would require a lot of pages. I retired in 2005 and a year later became a father to a low functioning autistic girl. We moved up to Alaska in 2012 and love it. Since then I’ve devoted every moment of my life to my daughter. It would be easier to explain life in the navy than to outline our autism experience.
Try to Live in the Moment
Apr 06, 2018 6 years agoI've finally mastered the art of compartmentalization. I've learned to silence that little voice in the back of my head. That voice that is so full of self doubt, the fear of what's to be and all the regret that comes with it. I can only do what I can do in the here and the now. I'm done looking back. I'm done wallowing in bad choices, could have beens, should have beens and what ifs. I'm also done worrying about the future. Of course dreams may come, but I intend on relishing in today. I will never fail to notice all the wonder of today. I've seen more sunsets than I've yet to see and I will observe each of them as if it's my last. Maybe this sounds morbid, melancholy even, but this frame of mind allows me to appreciate being in the moment. I tend to focus on doing all I can to help my child navigate obstacles her Autism brings. But I ensure every day includes moments of fun and laughter. Of course when you have a child you can't help but tentatively imagine all their tomorrows in your head. You dream about their future. You rarely narrow it down to a specific occupation or educational level necessarily, but you have every intention of providing the support and encouragement to help them achieve their dreams. You attempt to map things out for your child. Then you realize there are some things that probably won't happen. Not every child will develop a skill set to allow for a traditional education. Not every child grows up to be a doctor or lawyer or a cashier for that matter. So you spend your days helping your child embrace their life as best you can. No map or compass, no knowledge of approaching storms. There are plenty of books. Many are too specific to apply or fail to focus how varied the autism spectrum can be. Plenty of unsolicited advice is available also. Sometimes the advice is solid and sometimes it's not applicable or just plain ridiculous. Plenty of bumper sticker philosophy to guide you along as well. Sometimes your head spins because you hear “consistency is the key to success" or "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds”. Maybe it's "the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting a different outcome"? I might prefer "improvise, adapt and overcome". But the only bumper sticker philosophy I've found to be absolutely true is "it is what it is”. In time you realize all you can do is love your child unconditionally and comfort them and provide for them. There are so many variations when defining the needs of a child. You don't want to under estimate their abilities. You know the next milestone could be coming soon. But while some children are learning fractions and studying world history you're still trying to teach your child to communicate and to cope. You want to teach them to cope with the stressful moments when there is too much going on around them. Sometimes all you can do is ride it out with them. You can't let tomorrow rob you of today. The most important thing to keep in mind is to always bring it back to the moment.
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