If Father's Day hits you anything like Mother's Day hits me, I would imagine your thoughts are casting images of your unmet dreams and countless regrets of the parent you tell yourself you ‘should have' been. It's so absolutely hard not to fall prey to the father of lies on days that cast through our defenses. For now, and until your last breath you can count on your family in Christ's PRAY to be 1000X's greater than Satan's prey of lies. I sit in church as I write this letter to you, my brothers in Christ, hearing …. ‘This is my story, this is my song…perfect submission…filled with His goodness, lost in His love' being sung by a multitude of people with their souls longing to receive the validation of being relevant on this Earth. Your life, brother, is unlike any book read. Why?-- Because your story book is enteral—it lives on forever. This may seem odd or overwhelming. I get that you may be thinking ‘Are you about to get weird?' but as Frankie Mazzapica says, “No, I'm about to get spiritual”. The world of heartache that consumes a father's heart right this very moment is merely the close AND start to a chapter of your story. Your story is your testimony and testimonies replace the chaotic spiraling those falling prey to lies with JOY by casting light on TRUTH that reveals hopes, dreams, blessings, and opens hardened hearts (Ezekiel 36:26-27). ‘Test' is in the word testimony. God's in this with you, brother. He's calling upon you because HE longs for YOU because on this day, your true Father wants nothing more than you to experience His love and for that experience to go past a feeling in your heart and into a transformation of your self-image/worldview. Satan has been attacking you on all fronts. He doesn't attack weak men. He doesn't attack men unless God created you to be a warrior, intended to conquer lies and capture hearts during your time THIS SIDE OF ETERNITY. Brother, your purpose, your gifts, and yes even your failures are crucial to life right here, right now! I implore you to open your heart to the possibilities God has waiting for you with or without the status of your occupation. The sword you weld is far more powerful than anything ‘the job' brings. So many men and women like you NEED YOU to speak into the lies Satan has been using to rip their lives apart. One thing I KNOW is that He is desperate for joining his son's (YOUR) life. Right now, today, and all the days thereafter. Isaiah 49:16 “I have tattooed your name on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Grasping onto things like addiction, trauma, resentment is like living on the dirty side of a hurricane longing to reach the eye of the storm for a quick reprieve only to be spit right back out on the dirty side. It's a fleeting moment similar to striving to 'feel happy'. Recovery (wellness) is living on the edge of the clean side-- knowing with one slip of a choice you risk being pulled right around to the dirty side again. While I can't promise the journey to Recovery (wellness) will come with lasting feelings of happiness it will offer the opportunity to experience living in a state of Joy. This path is exhilarating and taunting all at once. It's an adventure far more rewarding than the false sense of security of reaching the eye of the storm or of watching life chaotically spiral outside our fingertips while. When I make the decision to put my pain to purpose it usually finds me staring at the crossroads of choosing between one good choice and one God choice. Life is hard, brother, and walking out those hard times is meant to be done WITH your circle of support. The center of your circle is you and the Father. I'm so thankful when our heavenly Father appears to us through the life of my brothers. Men have an especially hard job as husbands and fathers and this sister in Christ appreciates your efforts to help the world see The Father through you.

**To be read after reading the noted verses Psalm 103:6-18 God does not hold a grudge against His children. God does not treat His children the way they deserve to be treated. He does not enforce punishment according to His children's sin; Instead He forgives. He removes His children's transgressions as far as the East is from the West (this means he doesn't ruminate and dig the past up in His current/future thoughts/speech). God is a compassionate/tender FATHER toward His children. Just as God has compassion on His children's human frailty (disorders/ disabilities of the flesh); parents [spouses] are called to extend compassion to their child(ren)'s [spouse's] spiritual/physical/mental conditions. Colossians 3:12-25 Wives, be [a]subject [submit] to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and [be]fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage, (such the sacrifice of your time, money, emotional growth/accountability)]. Children, obey your parents [as God's representatives] in all things, for this [attitude of respect and obedience] is well-pleasing [c]to the Lord [and will bring you God's promised blessings]. Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or exasperate your children [with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by favoritism or indifference; treat them tenderly with lovingkindness], so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated [with their spirits broken]. When God tells wives to submit and be subject to her husband He is speaking a concept that suggests mutual submission and intimacy to LOVE. This concept is characterized by a husband's servant leadership (not enforcing his hand) and a wife's (voluntary) submissive cooperation. The husband's consistent obedience to adopt a servant leadership awakens the wife to develop the skills to temper her desires and cooperate with the husband's servant leadership. The Texas saying “Ladies First” when interpreted and applied by God's biblical principles doesn't mean ‘Woman! Submit first' it means ‘husbands lead by placing your wife's needs/desires before yours– in the menial things and grand things'. Father's are reminded God calls them to make their child(ren) and wife FEEL wanted. Unreasonable demands (criticism, nagging, rigidity, nit-picking) will provoke their child(ren)/spouse to anger and push them to perpetual bitterness with the result of causing/inflicting spiritual/mental harm (that could reach the point of impairment)– not to mention the damage it does to God's kingdom when non-believers witness such strife in a home that professes their belief and love for Christ! This type of strife squelches hope regardless of one's belief in the Lord. Fathers/husbands when you experience your child(ren) or spouse exhibit increased anger, disrespect, distractibility, decrease in daily academic/occupational functioning, covert and overt disobedience, rebellion, physical & emotional withdrawal (outside the developmental norm for that child or spouse) this is a clear indication to you they don't FEEL wanted by their earthly father– it's rationale for the husband/spouse to take what may seem like an uncomfortable amount of their time to humbly consider the degree to which the strife in their home is a result of their provocation, consequently leading outside of God's will (what He says is good for you). The heart behind God's word is often only experienced when the leader of the home intentionally commits to actively pursue God to place a new spirit in your husband and replace his heart of stone with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). Wives fervently pray this very thing over your husband daily AND believe God to grant you the desires of your heart (for your spouse) that is in God's will (Psalms 37:4, Psalms 20). 1 Peter 3 Sarah, Abraham's wife, trusted our sovereign God by giving Him time to work. There is a caveat to Sarah's example of obedience when the pattern of abuse is established as part of the marital homeostasis in the home: God does not condone abuse– physical/sexual/verbal/financial/spiritual. The ABBA father's intention for the wife's individual right to be safe is prioritized over His call for her to submit when she (or her child(ren) are experiencing spousal/parental abuse rather than servant leadership from a God fearing/obedient husband. Does this mean automatic cause for divorce? Not always. A wife and mother's pursuit to obtain a safe living environment IS within biblical principle. A wife is allowed and will be supported by Christ to live in separation from an abusive spouse- yes, this means a life of living separately if the spouse does not repent and restore his relationship with Christ, church leaders/mentors, and his family.

Husbands, has your wife ever asked you something like: “Do you think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world?” [Hint: to any literal communicator's analyzing the logical response to your wife's bid for love] She is not asking you to crown her as the next Mrs. America— she's asking if you have crowned her as your Queen to be the most beautiful girl in the only world that matters to her—yours. At first glance some may assert a wife who asks such questions to her husband is simply insecure and it's on her to deal with those insecurities. When have matters of the heart, love and marriage ever been simple? Hopefully, if you're still reading (HA!) you are open to a more in-depth look at the Psychology and Spirituality woven into the essence of women, by our Creator, that rightly motivates a wife to desire such validation, admiration and belonging. For those of you who are husbands stumbling across this in a voluntary pursuit to better understand your wife— STOP— take a moment and receive the Holy Spirit's ‘high-five' for walking out 1 Peter 3:7 (May your dedication to your marriage be recognized and admired!): “In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” [1 Peter 3:7 AMP] In statistics a ‘raw score' is simply a number that represents the correctly answered questions (i.e. 60) but a raw score does not convey any meaning until some standard is applied with which to interpret the raw score. A wife can hear her husband say “You look nice, sweetie” or “Sure, I think you're beautiful”. These are a collection of correct answers that make up the sum total of a raw score. Now imagine you're leaving church together and a fashionable, tall, fit, attractive woman stops and talks with the both of you. You exchange pleasantries and continue about your day. Gentlemen, I introduce to you the standard your wife is now using to make meaning of and interpret the raw score. You're input greatly informs how the raw score is interpreted. The wife is thinking: “There is no doubt in my mind that woman at church is beautiful. She had it all: perfectly styled hair, flawless make-up, tanned legs for days, straight/white teeth that would land her a job as the new poster woman for the American Dental Association… My husband's told me before that he thinks I'm beautiful— just this morning he said I looked 'nice'… but next to her does he see me as ‘that kind' of beautiful… am I the most beautiful women in the world— to him?” Later that night she reluctantly discloses she's been wondering if you thought she was more beautiful than the woman at church. Just as God needs for us to tell him we adore him more than anyone or anything in the world your wife needs to hear you say she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you— after all, we are each made in God's image. Insecurity is not the primary motivation to her question, rather it's her desire to be chosen above all other women (as Christ desires for us to choose Him). If, as her husband, you find you're hesitant or flat out unable to see your wife as the most beautiful woman in the world to you… in that moment lean on the Holy Spirit to speak these affirming words to your wife through you and take note of your disbelief. To speak these words is to provide her with emotional safety and security that symbolizes clean air for her to thrive and breath life into the marriage, children, and the home. It's okay to lean into the Holy Spirit to be your provider and intercede on your behalf— to allow His words to flow through your mouth. This is not a lie or deceitfulness. This is the living, loving, active marriage covenant at work, circling around your strengths, weaknesses, past hurts and ensuring the future vision of you and your wife's marriage/family/ministry is fed and protected. It's crucial for you to: 1) Intentionally go to God, your men's group, and/or seek counseling to discover what's driving your hesitation/disbelief. 2) Take steps toward being able to truthfully see her as the Holy Spirit see's her. 3) Place the crown upon her head as your Queen. “I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown” (Revelations 3:11 NKJV) 4) Experience the rewards of watching your marriage THRIVE and your wife step into the woman God created her to be.

Fire is a scrupulous force. Many of us exit our ‘30 somethings' experiencing polar realizations that fire projects (often uninvited) into our life. Fire- The Foe: Fire perceived as a nemesis tears down the things we perceive as necessary and beautiful in our life: relationships, money, homes, careers, health, dreams, families, countries. We literally watch some of these fires in our life sear away at the structures that bring shape and meaning into who we believe ourselves to be and how we understand the world around us. Cartoons depict this antagonistic fire with the image of evil itself and acquaint it to a poor moral compass. The “Foe Fire” appears as a force to be feared, resented... BUT it only has the power to conquer the surface of who you are-- aka the image of you the world sees you as. It's an Earthly fire unequip to penetrate and bring destruction to the core of who are. Friendly Fire: This second type of fire has the power to weld the mightiest of swords ( one's true self-image) . Friendly fire does not come without hardship nor does it promise to be painless. Instead it promises to put the pain to a purpose. It aims to burn away the strongholds circumventing out heart and soul from growing into its best self. It tempers and kindles the resolve within us to take intentional claim to be beings of love, integrity, humility, self-discipline, merciful, just, ‘others' focused and compassionate. This ‘30 something' is in a constant state of transcendence raising my heart and soul past the pain of grief, loss, trauma and The Year 2020 to see each “Foe Fire” has been and will continue to be hijacked by Divine Hiddenness within the “Friendly Fire” to temper past the pain, resurrect meaning to the hurt, and reveal the ‘human' in me that is becoming a clearer reflection of my Creator's image. Whether the fire in your life appears to be acting as friend or foe there is hope within you. Hope to remain present, active and relevant. You… me… WE are relevant even in our isolation, in our loneliness, in our mistakes, in our pain. Fire won't pay time or attention to what it claims to be irrelevant. The very sensation of feeling a burning high or a burning low deems you relevant….. ….. it means you matter….. ….. it means hope lives in you so CRY! Cry your tears out in the open. Those tears will form a smoke signal. Help will arrive. Seek (cry out) and you will find. You are not alone but merely suffocating in the flames of silence. When the cries of our tears unite, that wretched “Foe Fire” is engulfed by the Friendly Fire that brings meaning and community to your healing heart and soul. The greatest gift God gave us was the power to choose (free will). The greatest power we hold, welded by His Divine Hiddenness in The Friendly Fire, is to choose Him. How amazing is it to realize the feeling we experience when chosen first in a 3rd grade game of kickball is 100 times the feeling our Creator has when just one of us chooses Him?! Literally angels rejoice aka have an all out party. What a ride life is with Him! My positive self-talk for Easter 2021: “God's in this. I'm present, active and relevant in my life. I'm His chosen lamb and I choose His Word and His Works to guide me through this fire and raise me to be the ME he created me to be to help others and show LOVE in His image.” James 3